Often before we begin speaking to a Counsellor, we have many reservations and questions which can prevent us from making the initial contact. Some of these questions I've outlined below , together with some answers which may alleviate some of these concerns.
Am I going mad ?
is a common questions we ask ourselves when we first consider picking up the phone to make contact with a Counsellor. Each person has his or her own unique reason for reaching out and seeking therapeutic support. Often we can feel we have no one else to turn to. There can be a need to feel support after a particular event or difficult time in our lives (such as a bereavement or a trauma) ;
- It is about trying to find a solution to a problem we are finding ourselves stuck in;
- feeling helpless, powerless, loneliness, isolation
- desire for change;
- it is about listening to another and being heard.
- Personal development
- moving on in a more healthy way in our lives,
- understanding and breaking patterns which aren’t helpful
.........the list continues as to why we may consider talking to a counseling professional at any point in our lives. For each client what brings them into the counseling room will be unique to them.
As Carl Jung said, “the patient who comes to us has a story that is not told, and which as a rule no one knows of….. It is the patients secret, the rock against which he is shattered” (1995, p. 138)
There must be something seriously wrong, if I can’t figure this out myself !
When we are in the middle of a crisis in our lives, seeing or even believing there’s a way out to safety can seem like a tall order for us to manage. We are easily overwhelmed and as a result, our tried and tested coping skills or ways of managing aren’t as effective as they once were. This can leave a distressed person feeling even more distressed, frightened and less able to find their way to safety and calm.
Working with a Counsellor, will provide an opportunity firstly, to help you make sense of what’s happenening in your life.
Being educated and gaining new insights from your Counsellor can help us understand and appreciate how we’re feeling or behaving. In my professional experience, this has proven to be of great benefit when working with clients who are struggling with Anxiety disorders. Once the client understands how their conditions works, it’s symptoms and how they can be managed, they are assured and informed and feel more able to address their disorder.
From their objective stance, your counsellor can offer new perspectives & emotional support which for the distressed client, provides enough breathing space to steady themselves and work their way through whatever it is they’re trying to deal with.
I can’t talk to a stranger, what will they think of me?
Your Counsellor is there for you. He/She has your safety, welfare, well-being at heart. They are not there to judge you. There are very clear boundaries around the type of relationship between you and your Counsellor. There is nothing you can share with your counselor that they have not already heard or experienced before. In order to work as a Counsellor, s/he will have undertaken rigorous and extensive training, supervision and undertaken their own personal therapy. Finding a Counsellor who is an Accredited Registered member with a professional Couselling organization (IACP, IAHIP etc) ensures you are working with a Counselling professional who adheres to ongoing education and development, professional regulation and supervision and works in accordance with ethical standards and principles. (www.iacp.ie/ethics)
Most importantly though, find yourself a Counsellor with whom you feel comfortable with and are prepared to work with. While the work in therapy can be challenging and difficult, it is important to feel that the person with whom we are undertaking this work, is not adding to our distress. As in all relationships, there will be those who we are more comfortable with than others. If you feel the connection with your Counsellor is not right, find someone else who is right for you. Bear in mind also that developing trust and rapport can take time. Your counsellor will be aware of this and should address any concerns or reservations you may have about working together.
What would others think if they knew I was talking to a Counsellor?
Often it is , “I wish I had the courage to do the same” . We all have baggage, we all experience difficulties at different point in our lives, we all lose our way on occasion. It is those who realize that by working through issues in counseling, they will be able to move on with their lives in a more positive, healthy manner. Counselling is about you and ultimately it is your business as to who you share this part of your life with. The counseling relationship has very clear boundaries and guidelines and confidentiality will be upheld, with the exception of issues around your safety or the safety of others. By working with a Counsellor, you are taking care of yourself.
I’m terrified if I start crying, I won’t be able to stop !
You will ! In counselling, emotions can surface that we’ve been struggling to contain, or haven’t given ourselves permission to feel. In our daily life, we often emotionally censor ourselves because we don’t quite know what to do with this problematic feeling. The fact that we disallow ourselves this right before starting counseling or don’t know how to connect with the emotion, adds to our emotional distress and the weight of carrying this emotion around in our lives.
Counselling is a safe, protected space where our feelings are respected, shared and contained by the Counsellor. The great benefit of this, is that we are emotionally freed-up. Often clients will talk about feeling a “release” or “not feeling blocked any more” once an emotion is worked through in counselling. Physically we will notice a shift too, once the emotional piece is taken care of. Being able to breath more freely, feeling lighter, being able to think clearly again are commonly reported by clients.
I don’t know where to start !
By making your first appointment, you’ve already started. Counselling will be an experience unique to your needs, to your agenda. The goals you want to achieve from counselling, you may already have decided upon. Quite often, our goals change and evolve as we get more into the process and we achieve new personal goals we didn’t realize were available to us to begin with. As we work on ourselves in counselling, new strength, new resources, new skills and talents we had not been aware of up to this point in our lives, now are available to us. Ultimately, the process is about becoming more self-aware. In this new awareness, we now have developed skills and resources which enable us to live our lives without being tripped up by those obstacles we couldn’t emotionally manoeuvre before.
You are investing in your well-being, self-care, living a more constructive and empowered life. Counselling is the best investment you can ever make in yourself.
Reference:
Jung, C.G (1995) Memories, Dreams, Reflections. Fontana Press, London.