Adult Children of Alcoholics (ACoA)


Article author:

Celine Maurer

Celine has a BA Honours Degree in Counselling and Psychotherapy and also holds a Certificate in Community Addiction Studies. She has worked as a Counsellor and Psychotherapist in a variety of settings

What is Alcoholism ?

Alcoholism is commonly referred to as 'the family disease' because it is just as damaging to family members as it is to the alcoholic. An alcoholic can totally disrupt family life and cause harmful effects that can last a lifetime. Families in which there is an alcohol problem become dysfunctional families who create behavioural structures in which its members avoid, rationalise or cover up problems and carefully guard or deny secrets. Growing up under parental alcoholism is a chaotic and unpredictable rollercoaster of inconsistency.

Adult Children of Alcoholics (ACOA)

The phrase adult children of alcoholics (ACOAs) refers to those individuals who were adversely impacted by familial alcoholism. Once children become adults, the effects of alcoholism on families continue to impact their lives.
Adult children of alcoholics are at risk for an assortment of psychological, social and emotional problems. The most prominent factor is a negative self-image and feelings of worthlessness and failure; many adult children of alcoholics do not attribute said troubles, feelings and thoughts to growing up in an alcoholic household (Parsons, 2003). Furthermore, many of them have problems of depression, aggression or impulsive behaviour. Some studies have shown that ACOAs have problems with abuse of different psychoactive substances and difficulty in establishing healthy relationships with others (Berger, 1993, p.67).
In addition, adult children of alcoholics often retain their childhood patterns. The super-responsible child may grow into an adult who demands perfectionism. The child who is the family’s scapegoat may have legal or financial troubles throughout life. The child who used to adjust to anything may be passive and withdrawn as an adult. And the family clown may grow up to be entertaining, but irresponsible. 

Common Characteristics of ACOAs

Common characteristics of adult children of alcoholics include:

  • Low self-esteem – A tendency to judge yourself harshly and be perfectionistic and self-critical.
  • Difficulty trusting others – Many ACOAs have problems with intimacy, because their previous experience has thought them not to trust other people. They may also think that if they will love someone, this person will hurt them in the future, just the same as their alcoholic parent did.
  • Difficulty expressing feelings – ACOAs have buried their feeling (especially anger and sadness) since childhood and cannot feel or express emotions easily.
  • Frightened by angry people and personal criticism.
  • Strong dependency needs and fear of abandonment – ACOAs will do almost anything to hold onto a relationship in   order to avoid the fear and pain of abandonment.
  • Seeking relationships where you can take care of the other person
  • Constantly seeking approval of others – While ACOAs constantly seek approval and affirmation, when this is offered they find it very difficult to accept. The mixed messages from childhood (‘I love you’, ‘go away’) leave ACOAs very confused.
  • Focusing on the needs of others to the extent of neglecting your own needs
  • Feeling guilty standing up for yourself – It is easier to give into the demands of others

The characteristics show how growing up in a home with alcoholism can affect the individual for the rest of their life. Frequently, this person had no support system growing up. They felt abandoned and had to handle responsibilities sooner than they should have. They may feel they are blamed for the parent’s drinking, and being in an environment with constant clashes causes a great deal of distress to children. They will be embarrassed by their parent’s drinking frequently, and may try to hide it from their friends and even from their teachers. It’s likely that they witnessed unhealthy behaviours from other family members, such as denial of the alcohol abuse, co-dependency and patterns of enabling.
Counselling and psychotherapy provides a space in which to reflect on yourself and helps adult children of alcoholics develop insight into the ways in which alcoholism has affected their lives. It provides an opportunity to discover the ways in which the past is unhelpfully influencing the present, restricting the development of your potential.

 

References

Berger, G. (1993). Alcoholism and the family. New York: Franklin Watts
Parsons, T. (2003). Aolcoholism and its effect on the family. AllPsych Journal. Retrieved February 14, 2011, from http://allpsych.com/journal/alcoholism
 

This article was writeen by Celine Maurer, counsellor and psychotherapist at Mind and Body Works. To read more about Celine click here