Christmas Survival Guide
Christmas - It is one day of the year. For some, it can be a time of rest, relaxation, catching up with friends and family and about over indulging in food & drink. However , for others it is a time of great distress and pain. It can be a time of isolation, tension, financial strain and a time when our relationships with those closest to us are put to the most severe test.
In the midst of this holiday chaos, we can easily forget our own emotional health and welfare, as our attention can be directed to children or other family members.
Separation/Divorced
For those dealing with a separation or facing a first Christmas under different family circumstances, think about how you would like to spend your day.
Plan how you will both manage your day and access to children, well in advance of the day itself. This gives enough time to work out and agree any arrangements such as travel, accommodation, meals etc. that are agreeable to both parents and children. For example, spend the morning with one parent, afternoon with the other? Or the morning with both parents present? It is an opportunity for the parents experiencing difficulties to set aside their own issues and discuss what is in the best interests, or preferred interests of the children.
If possible, both parents let younger children know of what is happening too, so that they know what to expect during this potentially, emotionally demanding time. It will also demonstrate to them that, regardless of their parents difficulties with each other, they can work together when it comes to their children’s best interests and remind them that they are loved equally by both parents.
Older children
Depending on the ages of children, it may be appropriate to discuss with them how they would like to spend their time. Older children may be happy to spend some time with each parent during the day, but may be more interested in spending time with their own friends.
You may also have to accept the fact that they may wish to spend the time with one parent or the other. Remember, this is not necessarily a declaration of favouritism of one parent over the other. But consider options around access to the children during the Christmas period, not just the day itself. For example – is there an opportunity to spend some time with both parents separately? Are there holidays planned?
Recovery - addiction, emotional distress.
It is one day – remember that your recovery from addiction or emotional recovery continues regardless. Don’t become complacent around this “because it’s Christmas”. Your emotional well-being and health is of vital importance so think about what supports you can put in place for yourself during this time. Considering it is a time when there may be limited access to doctors, counselors etc. think about and decide upon your own support plan to help you during this time.
For example, what addiction support groups are accessible to you during this time?
Check with your own support groups , where information may be available to you on this
What can you incorporate into each of your days during this time, that helps you ? for example, walking or exercising, meditating, journaling etc.
Speak to your counselor - s/he may be available for crisis support but may also be able to direct you to other resources during this time, where help will be available to you .
Plan how you will spend your time, with supportive friends or family. If dealing with drug or alcohol addiction, it can be a particularly challenging time as much emphasis is placed upon socializing, drinking etc.
You know where you are at in your recovery and you know what you are able for at this stage. If you feel the temptation may be too strong around alcohol or not feel ready to be in situation where alcohol is freely available, make a choice about whether you go or not.
You are in control of your own recovery. It is your decision whether to drink or not, or place yourself in a potentially high-risk situation. You are not being anti-social, but rather making a healthy choice around your own welfare.
The First Christmas
It is a time when we are reminded even more, of our sense of loss around a loved one who has died. For some it is seen as another milestone along their grieving process: the 1st Christmas, the 1st anniversary; the 1st birthday or family gathering where their absence is felt.
Don’t be afraid to acknowledge that you miss them. Don’t be afraid to acknowledge your sense of loss, for fear of making yourself or others upset. The reality is that others may be sharing your feelings too, so you are not on your own in your loss. This can often be a source of great comfort when learning to live with our grief. Remember them in your own way during the day itself, if it is something you want to do. Taking time out to consider them, light a candle, talk about shared memories of the person, visit their grave or memorial, whatever feels right for you to do.
Isolation
Our family can be a source of great pain and distress. Choose to spend time with those you would rather spend time with . Friends, colleagues can be a great support network for us outside of our family. It is also a time where we can get involved in non-family related activities such as charity work; fun-runs etc. Most charities would welcome additional volunteers for their Christmas activities so research and contact an organization you would like to become involved with and get involved.
Christmas isn’t all about being good to others – be good to yourself. Take care of yourself during this potentially challenging season and ensure that you are feeling supported and well.
JoAnne Sexton is a counsellor and psychotherapist .